You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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