Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
