i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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