Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
