I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
