In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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