i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
