Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Boobs are out for the taking
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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