At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
