My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
