Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
