May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
babies were throwing up all over the place
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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