that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
