when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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