He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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