I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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