He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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