We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
