Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
