Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
