I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
