WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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