Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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