i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
