the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
