I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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