I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i've created a new STD.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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