Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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