real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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