mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
