That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
