I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Alive.
So much puke
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Let the clothes fall where they may.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
