i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
