1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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