i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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