maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
