It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
