i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
