yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
