You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
