I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
