I feel like I'm in dance class right now
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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