Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
