my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
