I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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