goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
