she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
