Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
