That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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