apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
