Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
