Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
