my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
