i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
