this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
