i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
